We all know there are optimal times to buy a car (at the end of the year) and fly (for some reason, on Tuesdays), but did you know there are best times to get a vasectomy?
Unlike cars and air travel, pinpointing the right time to get a vasectomy—a 15-30-minute procedure that is almost 100 percent effective for preventing pregnancy—isn’t a money-saving thing. Instead, you are looking for premium chill time.
Criteria for the best time to get a vasectomy
While there are a few different types of vasectomy procedures to choose from, the premise remains the same: an urologist makes incisions in the scrotum to snip the vas deferens in each testicle to prevent sperm from exiting during ejaculation. It’s a pretty quick procedure, usually performed in the doctor’s office, and doesn’t require a huge recovery period—about 2-3 days. Compare that to 1-3 weeks a woman needs to bounce back after a tubal ligation.
Even though a vasectomy is quick, a guy who’s just had one isn’t going to go for a run or sit in on a big meeting at work right away. In fact, the only thing those sore balls are going to want to do is settle onto a couch and cool off with a bag of frozen peas.
So why not milk it and find the best time to chill? After all, it’s doctor’s orders.
When to get a vasectomy
Let’s get a few things straight right off the bat: if you’re going to be stuck on the couch for a few days staring at the TV, you want to make sure you’ve got something great to watch. Also, it might be nice not to have to use up too many personal days if you don’t have to. Here’s what we think are the best times to schedule a vasectomy:
The Long Weekend: Step #1 is to stretch your vasectomy recovery time out over a nice long weekend. Fridays are the obvious choice, which give you the rest of the weekend to kick back and be a couch potato. If you want to maximize your time off, consider scheduling your procedure over Memorial Day or Labor Day weekends for four days of chill time. Sure, you might miss out on some of the holiday activities at the start of the long weekend, but you’ll probably be up and on your feet to enjoy a barbeque towards the end (and maybe even grill!).
The Slam Dunk: One of the biggest trends in vasectomies right now doesn’t have anything to do with “the how” of the procedure. For lots of guys, it’s all about “the when,” and for many, that seems to be focused on college basketball’s March Madness. One doctor has even gone so far as to dub the uptick in vasectomies he sees in his practice in March—which he says almost triple compared to the rest of the year—as “Vas Madness.” In 2019, NCAA tournaments kick off March 19, so book that vasectomy and kick back to see if Villanova can hang onto its title or if Loyola-Chicago can go all the way this year.
The Up-And-Comers: Not the biggest bball fan? No worries. There are plenty of other events throughout the year that would make the perfect time to get a vasectomy. Think The Masters, Wimbledon, US Open, or even the World Cup. Some dudes are even opting for the “brosectomy,” where they coordinate their vasectomies with a bunch of friends, book a hotel room, and just chill out for the weekend watching sports. Not a sports guy? Perhaps you’d prefer whiling away a long weekend playing the newest video-game release, or just slip down a Fortnite hole for a few days?
The Best Day to Get a Vasectomy in 2020: Using highly-scientific data and research (kidding!), we’ve determined that—drumroll, please!—Friday, October 30 will be the best day in 2020 to get a vasectomy. A perfect storm of events contributes to maximum chill-out potential:
- College football rocks in early November
- It’s not a popular time of the year to take vacations, so you won’t be vying with coworkers for time off
- It’s a Friday (see above); you’ll be all healed by the time holiday parties kick in and ready to get cozy again with the one you love (doctors say you need to wait about a month to have sex again)
- Think of all that post-Halloween candy lying around you can nibble on watching football all day And finally, the #1 reason why it’s the perfect date for a vasectomy—Daylight Savings Time ends Sunday, Nov. 1, which gives you a whole other hour to enjoy in bed
No matter when you book your vasectomy, you’re still going to have to wait 3 months—or about 20 ejaculations—to flush all the sperm out of your system to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. So make sure you’ve got some back-up contraception in place. SpermCheck is an easy-to-use kit that can help you determine the effectiveness of your vasectomy in the privacy of your own home.
If you’ve come to the decision that you don’t want to have more children (or any at all), a vasectomy is a safe and effective way to become sterile. So why not have a little fun on the road to recovery? Sweatpants required.